WRITING THE UNSAID

THEORY: In this exercise, you're going to write a letter filled with truth to someone in your life: a letter that, if they found it, you'd be MORTIFIED! The letter constitutes what's NOT being said in the relationship -- the UnSAID. Don't send it (unless you want to!).. The relationship is defined as much by what's said in it as what's NOT said in it. By saying the unsaid, even to yourself, in this letter, you've changed the relationship.

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INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Write your letter. Don't worry; they'll never read it. You're not even going to send it to me...

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2.SLICE IT UP! Cross out all the lines that you'd be fine with them reading (e.g. "How are you?" "I hope this letter finds you well...").  Take all the remaining sentences and list them in order from the least difficult to share, to the most difficult to share)

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3. A ROADMAP: You now have a roadmap for a journey from distance in your relationship to connection. If you can say the easiest thing, say it! If not, write the steps you would need to take to be able to say it, and take the first step.

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4. WRITE a 500 word reflection on that entire journey. Did the mere act of writing it make a difference in your relationship? What can you learn about yourself given your reticence to share these truths? What can we learn about humanity? What is the nature of this fear that keeps us from being fully honest with each other? What kind of courage could overcome it? What effect is this fear having on our lives? Is hiding the truth sometimes actually justified?

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NOTE: Don't upload the actual letter, just the reflection on the experience.